I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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