you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
