is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
