Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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