She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
