I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
