she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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