Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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