so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
