I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just high enough for therapy.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
