Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
