not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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