You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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