my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
