I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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