he wants to bone in the snuggie
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can't talk, ducks in the car
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
