College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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