were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
