New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
