Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
