I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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