it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
