My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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