Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
