I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
