Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
