dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
