New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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