i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
