I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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