I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
