I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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