He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
