I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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