It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
