I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
