I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
