i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
