Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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