I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
