When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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