walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
