So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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