if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
