Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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