I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
