Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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