Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
