That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
