Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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